What is holding you back ?

Facing our fears in order to Create our lives 



















We all have dreams! But what makes us hold back from going towards the accomplishment of our dreams ? Why do we often fail to create that which we envision so easily in our minds and hearts ? Why are so many of us not actualizing our full potentiel and reaching our goals ? Why does it seem that we sabotage ourselves on the path towards change ? 

Taking action towards the creation of our dreams is exciting , yes... but also scary because any form of creation implies meeting change, meeting the Unknown. And the unknown is scary. The first step in actualizing our dreams is to understand this and accept that with every new step , every new change we want to implement we inevitably awaken also fears.
Changing is a physiological, psychological and spiritual process. It implies the death of the old self and an awakening to newness. Our old reptilian brain, survival brain, does not like change. Even if the change is positive it feels "not right" , it just isn't what we are used to, and so can trigger stress reactions around change. Unconsciously we then seek to return to the statu quo, even if that statu quo is not satisfying, it seems better than the "Risk" of going into the unknown. We can be greatful to this biology within us which probably helped us survive as a species by repeting actions that maintain survival, but it can also leave us in a rut of security, where nothing changes, where we never try new things or step out of our comfort zone. Each of us has different levels of insecurity around change depending on our biology, our emotional history, our experiences.  So be gentle with yourself as you try to change. Knowing how our brain is wired and works, knowing about our insecurities and accepting them can help us find a gentler path towards attaining our goals and stepping out into the new.


 Accepting this reality will help us then " tame the beast".Instead of trying to fight against our fears, push them down, sugar coat them with positive thinking, avoid them... we can face them, acknowledge them and listen to what they need from us. In that sense our fears then become allies instead of holding us back.

For exemple : If i am afraid of failure... what is my need behind this fear... I know that for myself when i am stuck with my fear of failing i need to reconnect with my deeper purpose, i need to remind myself my strengths and qualities, and even ask some trusted loved ones for some feedback and support. I need to reach in and reach out so i can better continue to face the challenges that are within and without whenever i am creating some dream and when i succeed in taking care of myself in such a accepting and loving way i often reach my goals ! I also need to step out of my comfort zone and observe....and question my fears :  am i truly at risk if i change this, if i try this out ? And i need to answer my questions. This is where the neo-cortex, the rationnal part of our brain can be a guide and helper to bring us back into the here and now and the reality of the situation. 


You can also work on visualisations of what you want to create in your life. As the mind does not differentiate between reality and imagination, this practice prepares your body and mind to become acquainted with the new reality you seek to implement. It also helps us become aware of all the unconscious fears that might be blocking our path towards change. 


For more information around the art of change and the understanding of the brain i invite you to check out Dr. Joe Dispenza , author of "Breaking the habit of being yourself" and " Evolve your brain" 



















Katherine Barr, TRA-Thérapeute en Relation d'aide par l'ANDC

CNDA Relationship Therapist md

1160 St-Joseph est, bureau 201, Montréal, Québec  

Tel.: 438-875-3494